Thursday, July 19, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Mag die Afrikaner nooit pateties raak nie
Baie
mense beskou blykbaar diefstal en roof as heel aanvaarbaar, jy moet net beweer
jy was daartoe gedryf deur honger, gebrek, apartheid of die
waan dat jou oer-voorouers onderdruk was.. Laat ons dus maar vandag oor 'n paar
sake reguit praat:'n Mens steel nie omdat jy honger of arm is nie - jy steel omdat jy skelm is.
Niemand was nog ooit in hierdie land so volledig onderdruk soos die Afrikaner na die Tweede Vryheidsoorlog nie.
Ons voorouers wat die oorlog en die konsentrasiekampe oorleef het, het na die doodse leegheid van vernietigde plase teruggekeer - uitgehonger, hartseer en verpletter. Maar hulle het nie geroof en gemoor en gesteel nie.
Hulle
het met harde werk, deursettingsvermoë en swaarkry so presteer dat hulle
weldra nie net hulleself nie, maar ook hulle huidige onderdukkers, goed
kon versorg.
Toe hulle kinders in Engelse skole gestop is en gestraf is as hulle dit durf waag het om Afrikaans te praat, het hulle nie klippe gegooi en skole afgebrand en geweld gepleeg nie.
Toe hulle kinders in Engelse skole gestop is en gestraf is as hulle dit durf waag het om Afrikaans te praat, het hulle nie klippe gegooi en skole afgebrand en geweld gepleeg nie.
Hulle
het hard geleer, hulle eie CVO -skole gestig en uiteindelik bo uitgekom
sodat die Afrikaner vandag vir niemand op akademiese,
tegnologiese of wetenskaplike gebied terug hoef te staan nie.
'n Mens moor nie omdat jy voorheen benadeel is of omdat jou werkgewer jou nie tederlik genoeg behandel nie - 'n mens moor omdat jy 'n barbaar is wat nie verdien om deel van die samelewing te wees nie.
Na die Tweede Vryheidsoorlog het Afrikanermynwerkers absoluut geen regte gehad nie en moes hulle hulle gesinne met minder as 'n hongerloon probeer onderhou. Maar hulle het nie bejaardes gaan doodmartel en gesinne uitgemoor nie.
'n Mens word nie 'n agtergeblewene omdat iemand anders nie genoeg vir jou doen nie. 'n Mens word 'n agterblyer omdat jy nie presteer nie.
'n Mens moor nie omdat jy voorheen benadeel is of omdat jou werkgewer jou nie tederlik genoeg behandel nie - 'n mens moor omdat jy 'n barbaar is wat nie verdien om deel van die samelewing te wees nie.
Na die Tweede Vryheidsoorlog het Afrikanermynwerkers absoluut geen regte gehad nie en moes hulle hulle gesinne met minder as 'n hongerloon probeer onderhou. Maar hulle het nie bejaardes gaan doodmartel en gesinne uitgemoor nie.
'n Mens word nie 'n agtergeblewene omdat iemand anders nie genoeg vir jou doen nie. 'n Mens word 'n agterblyer omdat jy nie presteer nie.
Niemand het
die Afrikaner na die Tweede Vryheidsoorlog vooruit gehelp nie - ons het
self gewerk en volhard om sukses te behaal.
En elke ding wat ons het, het ons verwerf.
As alles altyd vir jou verkeerd loop sodat jy voel jy maak nooit enige vordering nie, is dit dalk 'n goeie gedagte om op te hou soek wie anders as jy self vir al jou ellende verantwoordelik is.
En elke ding wat ons het, het ons verwerf.
As alles altyd vir jou verkeerd loop sodat jy voel jy maak nooit enige vordering nie, is dit dalk 'n goeie gedagte om op te hou soek wie anders as jy self vir al jou ellende verantwoordelik is.
Ruk
jou reg en presteer jouself in die voorspoed in. En dit geld vir ons
eie mense ook.
Net
ons eie werk, prestasie en geloof gaan bepaal of ons as agterblyers in die
vergetelheid gaan wegsink en of ons weer as trotse, beskaafde,
gerespekteerde volk sal opstaan.
Selfs in die nuwe Suid-Afrika is daar steeds geleenthede vir vindingryke, geesdriftige mense wat bereid is om hard te werk en vir hulleself 'n toekoms los te spook.
Mag die Afrikaner nooit pateties raak nie ....
Selfs in die nuwe Suid-Afrika is daar steeds geleenthede vir vindingryke, geesdriftige mense wat bereid is om hard te werk en vir hulleself 'n toekoms los te spook.
Mag die Afrikaner nooit pateties raak nie ....
Working on Saturdays
My
manager just asked, "Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I
know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here."
"Sure, no problem. I’ll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."
"Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?"
"Monday."
"Sure, no problem. I’ll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."
"Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?"
"Monday."
Mental Hospital IVR Menu
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank
you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from
the following options menu:
If you are
obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are
co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have
multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are
paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are
delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are
schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are
manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are
dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are
bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the
beep.
If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory
loss, press 9.
If you have low
self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are
menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde,
don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
Too afraid to cough
A pharmacy owner walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the assistant, "what's with that guy over there by the wall?" The assistant says: "Well he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives!"
"You Idiot! Says the owner: You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
Replies the assistant: "Of course you can!" Look at him, HE'S AFRAID TO COUGH!!
Real 911 Calls
BELIEVE it or not ,
These are REAL 911 Calls!
Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown
house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham
and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had
taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired
of it!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have
an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same
thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
And the winner is..........
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
These are REAL 911 Calls!
Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown
house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham
and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had
taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired
of it!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have
an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same
thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
And the winner is..........
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
Sarcastic Doctor
A woman takes her
16-year-old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie's pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Debbie?"
Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man, I'm still a virgin!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stood there staring out into orbit. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. And there's no way I'm going to miss it this time!!!
The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie's pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Debbie?"
Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man, I'm still a virgin!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stood there staring out into orbit. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. And there's no way I'm going to miss it this time!!!
Family Issues
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One
of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the
other man said; You think you have family problems; Listen
to my situation. A few years ago, I met a young widow with a
grown-up daughter. We got married and got myself a
stepdaughter.
Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my
stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my
stepson-in-law. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her
father-in-law. Much later the daughter of my wife, my
stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because
he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my
wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son.
That made me the grandfather of my half-brother.
This was nothing until my wife and I had a Baby. Now the
half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the
Grandmother. This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my
child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my
stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own
child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am
my OWN GRANDFATHER; And you think you have FAMILY
PROBLEMS???
Die resessie eis sy tol
*Jan van Brakpan bel die tandarts*
*"More Dokter, wat kos dit om n tand te trek?"*
*"Die totale koste sal R285 wees"*
*"Blinde blixsem"! Hoekom so duur?"*
*"Ons moet eers konsulteer, dan n x-straal neem en dan kan ons eers trek"*
*"Wat sal die prys wees as ons die konsultasie en die x-ray skip"*
*"Jong, dit bring n bietjie risiko mee maar sal die prys afbring na R157"*
*"En as ons dit sonder verdowing doen?"*
*"Dit is nie gewone praktyk nie en gaan bitter seer wees maar sal n verdere R20 goedkoper wees"*
*"Wat van as een van jou trainees die tand trek?"*
*"Ek kan dan nie professionaliteit waarborg nie maar dit sal die koste verminder na R75"*
*"Nog beter, hoekom laat ons nie een van jou studente die tand trek nie terwyl die ander studente toekyk as deel van hulle opleiding?"*
*"Dit sal goed wees vir die studente maar dit kan baie traumaties raak vir die pasient. Sou ons hierdie roete gaan sal ek jou slegs R10 vra"*
*"Nou praat jy my taal my tjomma!! Kan ons dan n afspraak bevestig vir my vrou vir Dinsdag 9-uur?"*
*"More Dokter, wat kos dit om n tand te trek?"*
*"Die totale koste sal R285 wees"*
*"Blinde blixsem"! Hoekom so duur?"*
*"Ons moet eers konsulteer, dan n x-straal neem en dan kan ons eers trek"*
*"Wat sal die prys wees as ons die konsultasie en die x-ray skip"*
*"Jong, dit bring n bietjie risiko mee maar sal die prys afbring na R157"*
*"En as ons dit sonder verdowing doen?"*
*"Dit is nie gewone praktyk nie en gaan bitter seer wees maar sal n verdere R20 goedkoper wees"*
*"Wat van as een van jou trainees die tand trek?"*
*"Ek kan dan nie professionaliteit waarborg nie maar dit sal die koste verminder na R75"*
*"Nog beter, hoekom laat ons nie een van jou studente die tand trek nie terwyl die ander studente toekyk as deel van hulle opleiding?"*
*"Dit sal goed wees vir die studente maar dit kan baie traumaties raak vir die pasient. Sou ons hierdie roete gaan sal ek jou slegs R10 vra"*
*"Nou praat jy my taal my tjomma!! Kan ons dan n afspraak bevestig vir my vrou vir Dinsdag 9-uur?"*
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