This is why the crime rate is so high

Open this quietly...

You woudn’t want to disturb anyone...

 

 

Horny Pool Party

And you were expecting ...  what, exactly ..?

Sometimes I worry about you!

HANGING BY MY BOOB

"HANGING BY MY BOOB"

While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, "Your Honour, I'm guilty but.....there were extenuating circumstances." The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances." I did too soooo I listened as the lady told her story.
"Your Honour, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?" I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."
Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap! Complete darkness, the power was off!
Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag. "Then she headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vice alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."
Before I could shout NOOOOooo! She disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men Extraordinaire" found me...half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway." "OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
And that, Your Honour, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...." The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed".

When is it payday?

Faceless

That's a true friend

Spot The Cat

Spider-man Lizard??

The Riddle of the Pantyhose

Pantyhose Riddle
TOOOOOOO CUTE NOT TO PASS ON!!!!!

HAVE A WONDERFUL SMILEY DAY!!!

Q:  How many  animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?  Now, think about it...

Ready? Scroll  down, you'll love this.......... 
 









  
ANSWER:

 

 

 

 

And one....

How Fairy Tales really end

Cinderelle

Snow White

 

Little Red Riding Hood

 

Sleeping Beauty

 

 



 

Jasmine (Alladin)

 

 

Belle (Beauty and the Beast)

 

 

 



The Little Mermaid

 

 

 

 

Seems like only yesterday...

 

 

 

BARBIE DOLL has her 50th birthday this year...

 

Tweety Bird is 60 years old!

 



And what about all our other....

CHILDHOOD SUPERHEROES?

 

 

 

Superman

 

 

Thor

 

Wonder Woman

Batman and Robin

Spiderman

 

 

"Life is short, forgive sooner

and always keep smiling."

 

 

 



Koala And The Lizard

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

 



The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,

'Hey you!'

So the koala looked down at him and said,

'Fuuuuck dude.....
How much water did you drink!?'  

 

Every womans dream...

Everybody seems to think that every woman

 

dreams of finding the perfect man....

 

 

Oh PLEASE!!!!

 

Every woman's dream is...

 

... to eat without getting fat!!!

 



Priceless

Kylie Minogue - 

 
 The Picture That Will Stay With Her The Rest  Of Her Life



Make-up and  Hair style.............$500.00

New  Dress for the show............$70000

Giant Stuffed  Bear......................$300.00

Not knowing how to hold the  bear with a microphone in your  hand..........
                    Priceless!

Faceless