Monday, July 23, 2012

Knickers




Little Emily went home from school and told her mum that the boys kept asking her to do cartwheels because she's very good at them.

Mum said, "You should say "No" -they only want to look at your knickers."

Emily said, "I know they do.



That's why I hide them in my bag"!

As Rooikappietjie vandag 'n teenager was


Eendag lnk, lnk glede wa da i meisiki. Ha naam wa Roikappiki. Sy en ha ma en ha pa bly in i hys lngs i bos.

Ha ouma bly ok naby hille, mar anni anniknt vanni bos.

Op i dag tu sê Roikappiki se ma vi ha: “Roikappiki, di ga hektiek me Ouma, sys lonely en depro.

“Vat vi ha snacks en ga visit ha en chat me ha”.

“Cool,” sê Roikappiki. “Ek luv Ouma. Ouma is gr8.”

“Passop nt vi perverts inni bos,” sê ha ma. “Muni vanni paiki af ganni.”

“Relax nt, Ma. Ok?” sê Roikapiki vi ha ma. “Ek sa fine ws.”

Tu trek Roikapiki ha cool roi jas en kappi an, en grut ha ma: “Luv, Ma. Mwah! Mwah!”

Tu va Roikappiki di manki mt ha Ouma se snacks en stap oppi paiki inni bos in. Sy sie alli pretty blmme inni bos en plk vi ha ouma vanni blmme.

Late tu ga sy vanni paiki af, agte di blmme an.

Inni mean time cruz Wolf ok da rond. Wolf sien vi Rooikapiki en prbr ha opchat. “Luv u’r flowers,” sê Wolf vi ha. “Vi wie plk jy dit?”

Dit freak Roikapiki biki uit. “Get lost, Dude,” sê s vi Wolf. “Ek ga na my ouma tu. M ouma i sk.”

Maar Wolf los ha ni yt ni.

“Jys awesome,” sê hy vi Roikappiki en stp agte ha an. “Kom ons ga chill biki iewers. Suk jy n spliv?”

Tu freak Roikappiki totally uit en hrdlp vi Wolf weg en vdwl inni bos.

“Cool,” dnk Wolf, en ga na Roikap­piki se ouma s hys tu.

Hy klp anni deur. “Ga wg!” skr Roikappiki se ouma va binne af. “Hie issi werki! Ga terug townshp tu! Jille ko steel net ons gud!”

“Eks vanni kerk, my anti,” antwrd Wolf. “Ek ko vi anti bid.” LOL.

Roikappiki se ouma maki deur oop.

“Howzit, my anti,” sê Wolf vi ha. “Welcme to the nw Sth Afrca”. LOL.

Roikappiki se ouma freak soos intotally-totally-totally uit tu sy sie dis Wolf. Sy wi 911 bel, ma Wolf grp ha.

“Chill net, my anti,” sê Wolf vi Roikappiki se ouma, en goi ha inni kas.

Tu trek hy Roikappiki se ouma se pjms an en klm i ha bed en wa vi Roikappiki.

Roikappiki suk en suk en kry ltr wee di paiki yt di bos yt. Sy ko by ha ouma se hys an. “Dis funny,” dnk sy tu sy sie di deur is oop.

Tu sy inni kamr ko, sie sy ha ouma is inni bd. Maar ha ouma lyk biki uitgefreak.

“Ah-we, Ouma,” grut sy. “Is ouma fine?”

“Eks fine,” antwrd Wolf. “Ek chill net biki hie inni bed.” LOL.

“O, cool,” sê Roikappiki. “Maar hukom i ouma se ore so grt?”

“Om beter te ka hr, my knd,” antwrd Wolf.

“Awesome,” sê Roikappiki. “En hukom i ouma se o so grt?”

“Om beter te ka 7de Laan kyk oppi TV, my knd.”

“En hukom is ouma se mnd so grt?”

Tu sprng Wolf uit di bed. Wolf wil vi Roikappiki rpe, ma Roikappiki hrdlp by di hys yt, en skr: “Hlp! Hlp! Hlllppp!”

Da naby inni bos is n houtkppr besig om bome af te kp mt sy byl. Hy hr vi Rooikappiki skr en storm op Wolf af. Tu kap hy vi Wolf met sy b. Wolf val oppi grond, dood.

“Ons mut vanni lyk ontslae rk,” sê die houtkppr vir Roikappiki. “Anrs ga ons trnk tu. Dissie mee sos innie ou dae ni.”

Tu vat Roikappiki en die houtkppr vir Wolf en goi hom inni rivr.

“Thanx, Dude,” sê Roikappi vi di houtkppr tu hille kla is. “Jys amazing.”

Hulle gan tu trug na ha ouma se hys tu. Da kry hul tu ha ouma inni kas. Hulle haal ha uit.

“Nou sal ’n koppi tee dam lekkr smaak,” sê Roikappiki se ouma tu en stp na di kombuis tu.

Tu is als wee cool. (;-)

Lady's Yearly Exam

My Mummy ate it


A 4 year Old kid kept telling his teacher about his baby sis who was going to be born, because he was very excited about it.

Oneday his mom made him feel the baby's movements by placing his palm, on her stomach. The kid didn't say anything.

From that day onwards he stopped telling his teacher about his baby sis.

Oneday when his teacher inquired about his baby sis. the boy's eyes were filled with tears. He replied. My Mummy ate it!

'What kind of people would name a bird Moses


A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

' Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

EVIL TURNOVERS RECIPE





How to: Poison your enemies by Regina Mills

Thanks for joining us on Once Upon a Thyme!



EVIL TURNOVERS RECIPE



Ingredients:

1 6-inch circle or circle-like piece of pie crust or puff pastry – you can use scraps that you’ve re- rolled together, this isn’t a fussy dessert

1/2 small or 1/4 large peeled and cored apple

About 2 tsp. brown sugar

About 1 tsp. flour

Sprinkle of cinnamon

Thin pat of butter (about 1 tsp.)

2 tsp arsenic or hemlock

1 glass bottle or jar, cleaned thoroughly and ground fine



Preparation:

1. Preheat oven to 375. Lay circle of dough on a baking sheet. Put apple half or quarter on one side of the circle.

2. Sprinkle apple with sugar, flour, and cinnamon, poison and finely ground glass dust. Top with thin pat of butter.

3. Fold dough in half, covering the apple piece. Crimp edges together.

4. Bake until crust is nicely browned, about 40 minutes.

5. While your turnover is in the oven, it is the perfect time to plot the downfall of your rivals and enemies and perhaps also plan a seduction or two.


Snow on the N1 between Laingsburg and Beaufort West

July 2012








Sunday, July 22, 2012

Brief aan Mamma en Pappa


Liewe Pappa en Mamma,


Ons leier het gevra dat ons hier van die skoolkamp vir julle skryf, net ingeval julle die vloed op tv gesien het en bekommerd is oor ons.



Ons is OK.
Net een van ons tente en twee slaapsakke het weggespoel.



Gelukkig het niemand verdrink nie, want ons was almal op die berg besig om vir Jannie te soek toe dit gebeur het. Sê asseblief vir Jannie se ma hy is OK. Hy kan nie skryf nie omdat sy arm in gips is. Ek het in een vandaai redding helikopters gery. Dit was cool! Ons sou hom nooit in die donker gekry het as dit nie vir die weerlig was nie. Juffrou het kwaad geword vir Piet omdat hy gaan rondloop het sonder om vir iemand te sê. Piet sê hy het haar gesê, maar dit was seker tydens die vuur, so sy het hom seker nie gehoor nie. Het julle geweet dat as jy een van daai spuitblikke op die vuur gooi, dan ontplof hy? Die nat hout wou nie brand nie, maar een van die tente en party van ons klere het. Jaco gaan snaaks lyk tot sy hare weer uitgegroei het.



Ons kom Saterdag terug as Meneer Botha die bus kan regmaak. Die ongeluk was nie sy skuld nie. Die brieke was OK toe ons hier weg is. Hy sê 'n mens moet verwag dat so 'n ou bus gereeld sal breek, dis seker hoekom die skool nie versekering kan kry nie. Ons hou van die bus. Hy gee nie om as dit vuil is binne nie en partykeer laat hy ons bo op die dak of voorop ry. Dit word warm binne in met 103 kinders. Hy het ons in die sleepwa laat ry totdat die polisie ons gestop het en met hom gepraat het. Maar hy is 'n goeie ou en 'n goeie drywer. Hy en Klasie is op die oomblik weg. Hy leer hom op die bergpaaie bestuur, waar daar nie karre is nie, net groot vragmotors wat boomstompe wegry. Hy sê hy sal my môre ook leer.



Vanoggend het almal gaan swem, maar Meneer wou my en Jan nie laat swem nie, want ek kan nie swem nie en Jan se arm is in gips, toe gee hy vir ons die roeibootjie op die rivier. Dit was lekker!



Party plekke is die water so diep na die vloed, daar is bome onder die water! En meneer is nie kwaai oor lewensbaadjies soos daai ander een verlede jaar nie. Hy werk nou baie aan die kar, so ons probeer hom nie veel pla nie.



Raai wat? Ons het almal nou klaar ons noodhulp kentekens gekry! Toe Adriaan in die water geduik het, het hy sy arm oopgesny en juffrou het gesê ons moet op hom oefen om die wond toe te werk. Ek en Jaco het gekots, maar meneer sê dis seker net vrot hoender wat ons gister geëet het of iets. Hy sê hy het ook baie keer siek geword van vrot kos toe hy in die tronk was. Ek is bly hy is nou uit, want hy sê hy het baie geleer terwyl hy in die tronk was.
Wat is 'n pedofiel ?



Ek moet nou gaan. Ons moet nou dorp toe gaan om ons briewe te pos en dan wil meneer ook weer by die drankwinkel stop.



Moenie oor ons worry nie. Ons is OK.



Baai,
Pierre

Friday, July 20, 2012

Medicine Cabinet

It's taken many many months, but I have finally finished building my new Medicine Cabinet……. I am now ready for retirement. Sigh!!






Disease
Wine
Daily dose
Allergies
Médoc
1 glass
Anemia
Graves
4 glass
Bronchitis
Bourgogne or Bordeaux
> ( + sugar and cinnamon )
3 cups
Constipation
Anjou blanc electricity ..Vouvray
4 glass
Coronary arteries
Dry Champagne
4 glass
Diarrhoea
Beaujolais Nouveau
4 glass
Fever
Champagne sec
1 bottle
Heart
Burgundy , Santenay Rouge
Two glass
Uric acid gout
Sancerre , Pouilly Fume
4 glass
Hypertension
Alsace , Sancerre
4 glass
Menopause
Saint Emilion
4 glass
Depression
Médoc
4 glass
Obesity
Burgundy
4 glass
Hair Loss
Rosé de Provence
1 bottle
Rheumatism
Champagne
4 glass
Excessive weight gain from drinking
Côte de Beaune
4 glass

Cheers everyone.


Capetonians braving the weather

This is how we do things in Cape Town....


The Moon Walk

Brake Dancing

The Crash, Boom, Bang

Very similar to Flash Dancing


NO drinking while Dancing!

Stomp the Feet

Pole Dancing

How low can you go?

Line Dancing

Three men were hiking through a forest...
































Seahorses or Barnacles

 Seahorses

Barnacles